Thursday, March 27, 2008

Relationship? With myself?!

With love to the fabulous Ms. Carrie Bradshaw:
Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.
I'm lucky enough to have someone to love me. Whether he loves the me I love is another story. Don't get me wrong, I mean that with no disrespect to my husband. I'm secure enough in his love for me to know that it would take Something. Really. Big. to ever make him stop loving me. The reason I say it is because I believe I've yet to meet the me I love. Hell, half the time, I'm not sure I know who I am.

Am I the fabulous woman people love and are happy to call "friend," or am I the scared little girl afraid to send a MySpace friend request for fear the recipient will deny it and then it'll be all awkward?

The smart one who picks new things up easily, or the one who's always second-guessing herself even when she knows she's right?

The one who knows she could do great things, or the one who's too afraid of failure to even make the attempt?

I love the former, notsomuch the latter. Okay, so maybe I do know the me I love. I just need to work on the me that I don't love so much and make her realize just how fabulous she can be.

For now, I'll continue to embrace the intelligent lyrics of one Mr. David Matthews:
I find sometimes it's easy to be myself
Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else

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